WTF is social? Gossip

This blog is part of a series.  WTF is social?  Using Human Completeness as the core ability of the human brain, we examine various facets of social life and how communication technology and size of social circle,  impact our ability to be socially effective. 

Gossip 

It is hard to keep quiet for a group of people. We even have an expression for when that doesn't happen. It is called awkward silence. Put some people who know each other in a room and it will be full of whispers and whooshing and swishing and laughter. People love to talk and especially talk about other people. That talk is called Gossip.  Ask people to talk about climate change or economic policy and we can hear yawning. You may notice above average urge to urinate among the participants. Some will just start feeling unquenchably thirsty. 

Why do we love gossip? We love it so much that we are willing to skip most parts of lectures and meetings. Why do employees who will normally keep quiet in company all hands, all of a sudden become vocal by the time they reach the water cooler. The evolutionary answers always have to do something with survival. Somehow people who gossip survived and not those who didn't. How can gossip help is survive?  In a fair, equal, caring world gossip doesn't help. If you don't know something, people will just point it out to you. Gossip helps when knowing small things can make a big difference. And that happens when social interactions are complicated, full on land mines and thorny issues, which if touched or not properly conducted can lead to lots of unfavourable outcomes. 

Social is full of power difference and inequality and the willingness to use it effectively to maintain it. Without gossip we have no way to know how to deal with new people or adjust our behaviour with people we already know to better match our behaviour with what is going on with other peoples lives. Gossip is essential to survival, to maintain relationships. Gossiping not only strengthens the relationships between those who gossip, but also keeps us aware of other things that we must know, the ones that are not written in the manual.  

Information has a way of disseminating. Say it loud and no one listens. Paste it on notice boards, send emails and no one reads. Not everything is discussable in every group but the dynamics will change in even sub group of the same group. If you can't tell it to your best friend, then you will not discuss it in any group of size greater than two. As we add more people to any group, the number of things that can be discussed decreases. We call it word of mouth, but sharing of WhatsApp in a 180 member group is not a word of mouth. May be one to one or perhaps one to two or three or four. After that we don't really need to listen to whatever is being said. The stakes get so large after that group size that most communication needs to be meticulously calculated.  Gossip happens to people in groups where trust exists. It is not that people don't have opinions, they inherently know with whom to share and when. Gossip is an act of trust and friendship. For information to become widely shared and become credible it needs to pass through the many such gossip groups at different trust levels before it will become widely known. Gossip is where information is dissected and assimilated by social animal. 

We are supposed to gossip and it is good for us. At least that is what evolution wanted us to do.  Gossip is the lifeblood of social fabric and definitely not a waste of time. Gossip takes you more places than whatever else you might think is more important.

Call it bitching or doging, gossip thou must!

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